it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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