Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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