Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
