he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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