Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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