the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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