I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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