i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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