I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
