Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
