So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
