discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
