You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
