Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
