We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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