had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will be naked everywhere
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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