bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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