She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
