are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
