I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
