I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
