Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We got so high we made milksteak
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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