i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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