Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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