She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
