My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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