dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
