i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
