I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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