i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
