I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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