Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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