bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
