omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
