the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Damn victory sex feels great
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