Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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