his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
