I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
