Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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