i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you had me at cake vodka
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
