you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
false alarm, still single
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
