you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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