your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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