I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
