This house was built for laser tag.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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