that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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