I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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