i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
