Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
