Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
