"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
