I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
