I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
