i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
