ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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