JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
