Already got asked if we're dating
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
